He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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