I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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