I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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