so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
