I'm lost and stupid without you.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
