you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
