just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
