Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
