Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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