Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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