I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
