I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
