I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
