Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
