I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
