A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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