Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
