Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
