Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
