I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
