I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
