No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
