well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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