perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
