Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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