you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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