I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
