Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
