Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
