dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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