I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
