I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
