My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
