all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
