Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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