Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
