I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I looked at my own cervix.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
