"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
