last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
