Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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