Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
