She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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