Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
