he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
