Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
