my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
