In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
