Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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