I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
