You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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