my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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