Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
