i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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