you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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