new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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