i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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