basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
