Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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