hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
