Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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